Build Them Up

Your partner is under your feet.  You are bickering and everything they do makes you frustrated.  You showed them how to fold the towels so many times and they still don’t do it right.  You just want to scream!

Have you ever had those days where everything they do gets under your skin?  When that happens, what do you do?  Who do you talk to?  What do you say?  How you react to the situation could affect the rest of your relationship.  It’s important to avoid things that could make them worse. 

1.      Take a few moments to calm down.  Step back and look at the situation again.  What are you really upset about?  Is it that they didn’t fold the towels your way again or is it something else?  Get a notebook and just write whatever is on your mind.  Don’t think about it, just keep writing.  Make sure to write three pages.  Usually about 1 ½ pages you get past the anger and start figuring out what is really upsetting you. 

2.      If you confide in family or friends, watch what you say.  Remember that the people you are confiding in love you and want to protect you.  When you tell them things that upset you, they also tend to get angry at your spouse.  And a few days later when you have forgiven him, they are still angry.  They haven’t had a chance to process that anger and that’s not fair to them or to your spouse. 

3.      Do not tear them down.  Remember that you love this person.  Use words that build them up to other people and soon you will start believing it too. 

4.      If you must complain about your spouse, do NOT do so on social media.  There are so many reasons to keep it off of social media.  How would you feel if you looked in your feed and your spouse was saying bad thing about you?  Don’t do that to the person you love. 

Remember, all couples have problems.  All couples argue.  All couples get on each others’ nerves once in a while.  The difference is that even though the “perfect couple who has it all” has problems, they keep their issues private.  They don’t broadcast it over social media.  This couple has learned to build up their spouse instead of tearing them down.