Get Help!
Get Help!
Everyone needs a little help once in a while.
It's not only okay to ask for that help, but it may be a crucial part of you finding the energy to make it through the day.
Having an illness makes life harder, but trying navigate life while living with a chronic illness can be overwhelming.
You don't have to live like that. You just need to give yourself permission to allow other people to help you.
Then you can figure out what help you need, who you can count on, and how to adapt the situation to make life a little bit easier.
What do you need help with?
Do you even know what you can do and what you need help with?
Let me tell you why this may be a problem for you.
You believe you need to be superwoman. You believe this because society has told you that you are a woman and that means you need to be able to not only do anything, but to do it well. Honey, superwoman is a myth. She doesn't exist. And those who try get so burnt out that they don't know which end is up anymore. You do not have to waste your energy trying to be superwoman.
You come from a long line of strong women. The women who came before us had so much to prove to the world. They had to be strong because that's what society expected from them. It's hard to break that cycle. But you need to understand that you are only human and it's okay to ask for help when you need it.
You don't want to have to redo it. Some people feel better when they have control over a situation. However, others don't want to have to redo something because it wasn't completed like they said it was. You just need to know if you can count on the person helping you before you ask for the help. Don't ask people to help you if you can't trust them to do what they say the will.
You're overwhelmed. There's just way too much for you to do and you don't know where to begin or how to make the necessary changes. This is why we you need to have a list of your top three priorities. You start there. You will know what needs done, what you can do on your own, and what you need help doing.
You don't want to look weak. You are not weak if you ask for help. In fact, asking for help is a sign that you are strong enough to give up control and brave enough to allow someone else to do it. (In my opinion - THAT is a superwoman!)
Know that you are not alone here. So many of us get caught up in trying to dig ourselves out of the hole that we forget there are people who can lift us up if only we allow them to.
You Can’t Do EVERYTHING!
Living with chronic illness can drain your energy and leave you feeling helpless and hopeless.
There's so much to do and not enough hours in the day to get it all done - especially when you have to work around symptoms, side effects, and frustration.
But I have some good news for you. You don't have to do it all! Did you hear that?
Asking for help does not make you weak. It shows that you are okay giving up just enough control to allow other people to do the things you know you can't do. That's delegating - and it makes you a leader.
David Allen's quote reminds us that you not only have the ability to do any task on hand, but that you need to know when it's time to ask for help.
Once you ask for that help, give them the details, but don't micromanage them.
Micromanaging them will make them feel pressured and untrusted - and it will take even more of your energy.
Allowing them to do it their way on their own terms will ensure that you will have help on the next task. Besides, what's the point of asking for help if you aren't going to trust them to get it done.
You don't have to be in control of every situation.
You are allowed to have fun while someone is helping with your tasks.
You can have a life - even if you are sick.
Give yourself a break.
Ask for help.
Take care of you!
It’s Okay To Be Picky!
How to know who to ask for help:
Being sick for long periods of time can take a toll on your mental health and your relationships. However, you need to understand that just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they are the person that should be helping you.
Make a list of everyone they could possibly help you: your parents, siblings, spouse, kids, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, coworkers, and neighbors.
Once you have your list together, add a list of acquaintances who may be willing to help you run errands, keep you company, or even drive the kids to practices.
After you’ve written down the names of anyone in your life that may be willing to help you during your illness, it’s time to think about paid help:
Do you need a nurse to come in and help you with your medical needs to take the pressure off of your spouse?
Maybe you need someone to cook supper, do the laundry, wash the dishes, or any sort of housework that could take some of the pressure off of your family.
Perhaps a neighbor kid would like to make a little extra money mowing your lawn, tending your garden, or shoveling snow.
A dog walker, a grocery delivery service, or some sort of meal service may be a way to go.
It’s also important to know who should not be on your support network – even if they are immediate family members.
You need to be able to count on these people to do the things they say that they will help you with.
If you have a friend or family member who continuously cancels, is late, or just doesn’t show up – do not put them on your team.
If you get stressed out just knowing this person is around, please do not include them.
It’s the person steals from you, tells people your business, or talks down to you – remove them from your list.
If having someone around makes your family uncomfortable, do not put them on your list
If they are professional (paid) helpers, remember to ask for references – and check them! Do not include anyone with bad references.
MEAL PREP
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to prepare meals in advance. They told me that if I couldn't do it myself, I should ask a friend or family member that may be willing to help.
Here are a few tips that could help you cook a little more without the excuses:
Look at the grocery store ads and search for recipes that include ingredients that are on sale.
Once your groceries are home, pull out those recipes and start doing all the prep work before you even put the groceries away. (Chop vegetables, add seasonings, prepare the meat, etc.)
Make "freezer meals" by dumping all the ingredients together and freezing them. You can thaw them the night before you need them and put them into a crock pot, instapot, or even in the oven.
Double or triple your recipe as you are cooking. Eat one and freeze the rest. This makes even the cooking part easier. Sometimes it's just nice to pull something out of the freezer and warm it up. (Just remember that some items - like potatoes - change their texture a little when frozen.)
When my daughter was pregnant, we spent three hours chopping chicken, veggies, and preparing other parts to the meals.
We made crock pot meals, oven meals, and had fruits and veggies chopped and ready for snacking.
After the baby was born and all the "help" went home, she was able to have homecooked meals without having to do all the work.
Do you have any tips that could help others with their meals?
What is the biggest mistake you have made when trying to find people you can count on?
Do you get frustrated and lose your temper?
Do you ask the wrong people?
Do you think that they should drop everything when you need them?
We have all made mistakes when it comes to interacting with other people.
One of the biggest mistakes I have made is that I pretended to be okay so that my caregivers wouldn't burn out.
Because my illness is a chronic illness - and I have had many, many other issues happen because of the medications and treatments, I have needed my helpers for decades.
Some of my helpers have been willing to do almost anything I needed - for decades! I started to hold back on asking for things I wanted because I was afraid to ask for too much. I didn't want to use up all of my help on the things that didn't matter, so I either did my best to do it myself or learned to do without.
I spent more time "faking wellness" than asking for the help I needed. I was so afraid that I was asking for too much and that nobody would be there for me when I really needed it. So, I stopped asking - and people actually believed I was getting better. Then when I needed more help, it confused them.
Why was this a mistake?
To some people, it looked like I could turn my illness on and off to get attention.
Some of them actually believed I was healed.
I wanted to scream!
I have seen the doubt in their eyes when I say I need help. They don't believe me anymore and it’s really frustrating!
I want you to understand that:
Chronic illness will probably be with you for the rest of your life.
Most of these illnesses have no cure.
You will need help.
You will feel better.
You will need help again.
That's how it works.
So, please don't pretend that you're better.
Take the help when you need it. Don't "power through" because it only hurts you in the long run.
Know that you are human and all humans make mistakes. Making mistakes is how we learn and how we grow.
You were not born with all the answers and it's okay to make mistakes while looking for those answers.
Hang in there!
A Cooking Party
Are you having a hard week and wondering just how you will find the energy to cook meals for your family?
While there are many solutions to this dilemma, I just may have an idea that could help.
Have you ever heard of a cooking party?
A "cooking party" is where your friends and family get together every so often (weekly, monthly, occasionally, etc.)
They bring:
Their favorite recipe
All the ingredients for their recipe
The containers to put the finished product in.
You get together, play music, have conversations, and do all the meal prep for your family and all of the other families for your one recipe.
The meal is then broken into portions for each of the families. Make sure you include enough servings for everyone in each family.
At the end of the cooking party, everyone leaves with meals that are already prepared and ready to be cooked.
Here's how this works:
Decide the date, time, and location of the event. Make sure that you know:
The number of people in each family.
If there are any allergies (what to avoid in the recipes or what you can substitute).
If there are any foods or spices your family doesn't eat.
Everyone should have a printed recipe for each participating family.
This way they know what the cooking directions are once they get it home.
They will also be able to write notes to themselves on the recipe (who really likes it and if someone didn't.)
You should bring:
A printed recipe for each participating family.
All of the ingredients you need for your dish (enough for every person in every participating family.)
Containers to put the prepared food into so they can take it home and store it until they're ready to cook.
Maybe some knives and cutting boards, measuring cups, measuring spoons anything you will need to use to prepare the food.
Something to transport the containers home.
What happens during the party:
You each pick a work station/area
Be the sous chef and chop all the fruits, veggies, and meats as described in the recipe.
Combine the recipe into the appropriate containers with all the ingredients (keep some of them separate if needed.)
Turn on the music, have a conversation, turn on a movie, have some fun!
The whole idea is that if you have seven families, you only have to prepare one meal for the entire week. The rest of the meals should be ready to dump into a crock pot, put into the oven or just easy to throw together.
You can even assign parts of the party such has: snacks, drinks, set up, clean up, etc. to make it easier on you.
Let me know if you have ever been to a cooking party. How did it go for you? Do you have any tips?
Also, let me know if you try this and how it worked for you.
Have a healthy and pain-free day!
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